A few years after you told your husband that you will rather spend eternity been a NUN,than been his wife for another second, why are you so depressed and shocked to hear that he has remarried after the divorce . The intense feelings that arise when a former mate remarries takes many women and men by surprise said ABIGAIL TRAFFORD author of CRAZY TIME a book about divorce. After given the boot to the jerk and a miserable excuse of a man to hell, why are you so miserable when the jerk moved on with another mate.
Sure the man will always be a jerk and you cannot wait to drop him and did, yet learning that he is sharing his life with another person can hurt though outwardly you pretend as if you dont care. But inwardly you feel pain and anger that he had moved on while you have not. Typically you start feeling jealous depressed and insecure. you start comparing yourself with the new mate, could he be better looking, sexer, smarter. the woman would be like HOW DARE HE MOVED ON AND BECOME HAPPY AFTER MEESING UP YOUR OWN LIFE spending money on her when you are barely surviving.
Though this could be a very painful time, but it will be therapeutic to deal with residual anger, ambivalence and sadness so that the hurt will not fester into depression. whatever is the circumstance, ending a long time relationship entails a lot of mourning psychologically which is normal and necessary. The emotional tie between couples remain strong that some still sleep togather after divorce even though they are not planning a reconciliation which is sordid indeed.
Often time people become obsessed with the new partner in their EX mate life, they would hate them, will want to know every thing about them and could even start STALKING them which is very demeaning, the FATAL ATTRACTION SYNDROME could start. if you didnt vacillate before leaving, why do you now want him when he is out of reach.you need to do the banishing act on him. Even if you had kids togather so could meet or talk from time to time, badgering him about his love life makes you cheap. This should not translate into hostility but effusiveness. Been pessimistic and blue about the future does not help at all.
You can solve the deep emotional problems by dropping unrealistic expectations, boost confidence in yourself by been assertive and cutting the emotional umbilical cord. Even the most mundane chores can redirect the mind off depressive things, even watching of seasonal films. Throw yourself into any benefiting self improvement schemes, it is never late to get any skill, you may be sowing a seed for your future.
Always wear a radiating incandescent smile, but the not the notice me,am looking for a man at all cost kind of smile to attract men, please some men are not worth attracting, at this point in life you dont want to be in an abusive relationship. Ditch all melancholy feelings, and move on as been pessimistic and blue about the future does not help at all.
This article was triggered by a article in cosmopolitan about a former chief Judge of NEW YORK CITY: SOL WACHTLER and a wealthy beautiful socialite JOY SILVERMAN who bought about his down fall the thrice married Joy silverman wielded great sexual power over men. She was still married to her last husband when she started feverish chase of Sol WACHTLER and she was a step cousin to his wife JOAN: Sol had never had an affair before in his 25 years of marriage to JOAN ;he fell under her spell. The affairs was most intense that he later contemplated leaving his wife for Joy.
He couldnt get enough of her and introduced her to the presidential re,election bid,she spent money and time and was nominated for an ambassodor but the senate turned it down but she came into limelight as a politician using SOL:HE later developed a guilty feelings about the hid and seek relationship,moved out of his home for Joy who at this point accused her husband of having an affair and dumped him,Sol later moved back to his wife. He even faked brain cancer
so that she will leave him alone but she couldnt.he took a bold step and left her.
Things came to a head when he learnt she has another boyfriend,he wanted her back and developed a kind of fatal attraction for her that he became sick. He could not eat, would not sleep, could not concentrate in the office. He needed a mental health Doctor but saw one who placed him on transquilizers that made his conditions bad. He started stalking her,threatend to kidnapp the teenage daughter while pretending to be another person.SOL will make drop calls to her many times a day,would call the new boyfriend to see if they would break up so that she will come back to him.JOY then contacted the FBI when ask SOL asked for 20.000 dollars or he will send dirty pictures of her to her daughter.
FBI could not understand how a whole chief law maker of New York state could go to that level for a woman.She was advised to play along with him. He was arrested when he came to collect the money. The thing he said was"OH I WOULD HAVE BEEN GOVERNOR"he was fine some dollars and sentenced to 15 months jail term. So one must move on at the end of a relationship without looking back. There is always light at the end of any tunnel been cheap make things pathetic.Move on without looking back.A jerk will always be a jerk so nothing will change in his life just as he moved on, you too should get a life and moved on. NO ONE HAS EVER SAID THAT LIFE MUST BE SWEET ALL THE TIME.
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